


Pretty Like A Cowboy

by telefool



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Cheating, Drinking to Cope, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Male Friendship, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 02:44:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17092559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telefool/pseuds/telefool
Summary: Ned needs a friend.





	Pretty Like A Cowboy

**Author's Note:**

> This was a lot of fun to write.

"A _break_." Ned said. "Only couples that are doomed take breaks."

"That's not true." Eugene said. Eugene, who over the last few drinks had seemingly forgone his broken-home attitude toward true love and had become a believer for Ned's sake. He always forgot Eugene drank, like, fucking professionally. It was no wonder he looked so earnest and detached.

That and his marriage wasn't falling apart.

"It's sort of true?" Zach said, picking through his drink for the cherry. He looked worse off than Ned felt, maybe, and he would feel bad for driving his friend to drink but Zach couldn't always handle strong emotions. "Just not for you guys."

Besides Ned was trying very hard not to feel anything right now.

"We took a break, our first year." Keith said through a chicken wing and the table erupted, Ned included.

"When?" Eugene demanded, making Keith shrug before he answered. He obviously hadn't been expecting this level of interest, but Ned wasn't sure why. He'd always though Keith's relationship was _solid_.

He'd thought _they_ were solid, and now he just kind of wanted to puke.

"Yeah. It lasted about two weeks, during which she fucked some guy at a party. And then she came back to me. Cried a lot."

"Woah." Zach said into the silence, and Ned felt stunned. Keith was looking at him dry-eyed- like he _knew_ or something- like he could see to the back of Ned's brain to the moment he'd found those texts on her phone. Ned hadn't told them- he _couldn't_ and besides nobody had asked, too shocked to be nosy.

Ned picked up his drink, surprised when Eugene clinked their rims, sipped with him.

"Later, she told me she was probably terrified at like, how permanent we seemed. At the thought of being with someone forever." Keith said. "I can understand that enough. At the time I smoked, like, a lot-"

Eugene and Zach laughed, but Keith- Keith wasn't laughing at all.

"-and I drank more than I probably should, and I cried a lot too. It sucked." Keith took a big chug of his beer, burped loud and crude. "I don't think we're stronger for it- but I do think our love was stronger than a drunk loser at a wedding, and Wendy's fear. I think- I think knowing it isn't anything we want-"

"I never- never wanted this." Ned said, and his heart was fucking hammering, sitting half-drunk in a sports bar. He hiccuped and Zack patted his arm. "She said she never meant to reply seriously- but- but she never should have taken his number-"

"Oh, shit." Zach said, his eyes widening, Keith nodding like a drunken sage behind him. Eugene's thigh pressed firmly against his, like an anchor.

"But. But she did. She _did_. And then she spent hours, _hours_ talking to him- and then they met up-"

"Hey, Ned, you're drunk buddy." Eugene told him, throwing an arm around his shoulders, so that when Ned let out a dry sob, it was pressed into his chest. Eugene smelled like leather and spice, like a living whiskey ad. Ned let his shoulders sag and shake as the alcohol broke him.

As she broke him.

"I- I gotta pee." Zach said, and fled for the bathroom, leaving behind Keith, half a plate of fries, and god, this was why Ned hadn't told anyone. He could barely tell himself without falling apart. How could he tell his friends such an ugly thing?

Keith was flagging down their waitress and getting a neat stack of to-go boxes for all the food no one had been able to eat, not even Keith, and Ned had seen him eat fried chicken in some truly miserable circumstances. Ned sniffled himself quiet, tried to right himself. It was harder with Eugene sticking so close, keeping him wrapped up, an arm around his neck, and god it felt so good to be held right now.

One more reason to be thankful for these friends, instead of the crowd he'd left behind in Yale.

God, he was drunk.

He was still drunk when Zach came back, pale and kind of barf-y looking, and helped Keith pack up and Eugene had started rubbing his arm, warm steady circles that Ned could feel from the back of his neck to the tips of his toes. Warm simple pleasure while Zach paid- Ned couldn't remember the last time _nobody_ had fought for the check.

He was drunk while the other three figured out rides, Zach finally packed into an Uber and it was cold out on the street and then Eugene was walking him briskly across the road, toward the parking garage. Ned was standing mostly straight, only leaning on Eugene a little, and it was still probably the most they'd ever touched.

Eugene was warm, and Ned ruminated on that pleasantly as they found Eugene's shiny little car, and missed it when he was left leaning on the side of the car while Eugene unlocked his door. Welcomed the warmth's return as Eugene helped him slide into the front seat, one leg and then another.

It wasn't until Eugene slid over him, and the warmth was close and pressing that Ned thought about it as _touching_. He was just buckling him in, and still Ned's body flushed with an answering heat, brought on by the alcohol. Ned had enough regretful weekends in college to know that feeling.

But this was Eugene, and the seconds his hands took to click it, felt so long, while Ned processed his shameful shift in interest.

And then Eugene pulled back, gave Ned a little pat on the chest where the seat belt bisected him, and Ned smiled for the first time all night.

Eugene was a good friend, Ned decided and didn't let himself remember what ever else he'd been thinking.

He was still smiling when Eugene slid behind the wheel. Ned watched his routine with comfortable familiarity, and as the silence continued Ned felt less at ease, as though the well between the seats was a wall. Something keeping him from the only comfort he'd felt since he'd found out the truth and his stomach had fallen to his feet, and life as he'd so far known it to be had stopped.

So when Eugene bridged the gap and put a warm hand on his, it was unexpected but welcomed and Ned listened to the music and watched the lights go by. Tried to be as dumb to the world as he sometimes pretended to be.

Until the lights became steadily more and more familiar, and like waking fully from the fragments of a dream, Ned realized he was almost home.

The calm was dissapating as fast as it had come, and when they finally rolled to a stop outside their- _their_ home, Christ- _their_ _home_ , where they raised their _child-_ and God, how could she throw that away, for some fucking emojis and a quick fuck on a night out? And he- he just _couldn't_.

So he just sat, safe as long as he stayed in the warm purr of Eugene's car, until he was shaking with tension, and completely unable to move, on the verge of tears all over again.

"You should come to my place." Eugene said. It was all he said, but his eyes were warm, and Ned just took the out and nodded, beyond grateful he hadn't had to speak. He needed that silence, and when Eugene began little circles with his thumb warm on the back of Ned's hand, it was easy to let it continue rather than to break that silence.

He was pretty sure he had only been to Eugene's place once, when he was considerably more drunk than this, but it looked familiar even slumped onto his leather couch with his head tipped up to the ceiling. The spinning ceiling. He was druuunk.

"I'm drunk." He told Eugene, and Eugene quirked his mouth in a smile.

"Yeah." He agreed. "You are."

"It's better than before." Ned told him with all the sincerity of a child. Only heard it in his voice as he said it, as Eugene's eyes softened with pity.

"Yeah." Eugene agreed. "And now is better than the hangover."

He leaned in close to Ned, put his hands towards Ned's throat, and he gave Ned just enough time to get nervous before he started pulling at the zipper on his jacket.

It was because he was drunk, Ned knew. He was being a friend. But Eugene didn't touch people, and he only got close when it benefited himself and Ned was drunk. And Eugene was pretty like cowboys were pretty, pretty like tigers were pretty. Ned knew, even, that he was being a shitty friend in return, choosing to watch Eugene's mouth while he moved Ned's arms, free of his stiff sleeves. And even though he was thinking all of this, Ned was drunk. It wasn't until Eugene dropped to his knees in front of him that Ned's brain woke up.

' _Oh_ _no_.' Ned thought, with too much clarity. ' _Oh_ , _shit_.'

"Let's get your shoes off, bucko." Eugene said, and god Ned felt disgusting. For having these... thoughts, with a ring on his finger. Not- not that he hadn't thought that Eugene was pretty before- although sober he'd make himself say handsome. Through everything his heart beat with the never-ending despair that nothing he did mattered- not anymore-

Because it didn't matter to her.

Because Ned's wife had cheated on him, because she wanted to take a break. Because no one was at home- she'd taken the baby and the dog to her mother's when he'd started throwing things, and god, that had hurt.

Didn't mean he had to do what she did-

"Up." Eugene said, and Ned lifted his foot automatically, letting Eugene balance it on his thigh so he could peel apart Ned's double knotted shoe laces. It- It wasn't a very bro thing to do, but Ned was used to it. Eugene was like that- _they_ were like that and that was something Ned had loved about being a Try Guy from the start.

That he didn't have to _try_ and when Eugene had pulled his shoe off and set it to the side, he placed Ned's foot back on his thigh and that was-

It wasn't _wrong_ \- weird, it wasn't weird, Ned thinks crazily and maybe he wasn't wrong to love her, maybe they were perfectly matched in their bullshit because suddenly Ned felt loose and warm. Before her- without her- somebody looking up at him like that meant he was about to get his dick sucked - especially when he was this drunk.

"I'm having gay thoughts." Ned said. Couldn't believe he'd said it out loud. Kept going. "About you."

Eugene just looked at him while Ned sweat, and then, like a man warming himself over a fire, let his hand rest  in the air just above Ned's thigh.

"Jesus." Ned said. "You don't- I'm being a slut, Eugene, you're barely a- a tease. You _don't_ -"

"You want me." Eugene said. It wasn't a question. "I'm- God, it's _you_ , Ned. I'm not going - It wouldn't mean anything except that I love you, bro."

"Jesus." Ned said again, faintly this time. Scrunched his bare toes in the fabric of Eugene's slacks. Eugene took it as a cue and finally let his hand drop, and when he squeezed, Ned let out a grunt at the unexpected want that hit him. Eugene's eyebrows went up, and then he smiled.

"You are absolutely worth thirty minutes of my time." Eugene said, and Ned laughed. Eugene finished slipping his shoes off, and then leaned forward, crossing Ned's knee with his arms, looking up at him and Christ, the alcohol let him feel everything through a side mirror, further away than it was. Blurry like he was going too fast, and Eugene looked like a fucking cat on his lap, and Ned was reaching out to stroke Eugene's jaw, and he felt really gay and kind of stupid, but Eugene- Eugene was hot, and he just sort of leaned into Ned's palm, and now he felt like Jasmine stroking Raja.

Jesus, his dick was pretty fucking into it, even with all the alcohol in his blood.

"What would you like?" Eugene asked, mouthing the words into Ned's palm, but his eyes were on Ned's strained zipper. Ned- Ned knew what he _wanted_ \- what he'd thought about on other late nights, in other places, with Eugene sucking on the rim of his longneck, flirting with the bartender. He couldn't just- couldn't just ask for it and in his hesitation Eugene leaned  on his knees, and oh, _woah_ , Eugene was hard and that was a new... thing.

The expectation felt familiar, and Ned spread his legs easily enough letting Eugene lean up and  in until he could press a soft kiss to Ned's lips.

It was- it was _friendly_ and Ned wanted to laugh but Eugene didn't stay there. Dropped kisses on his jaw, and his ear, down his neck and god it was so gay, so fucking caring that Ned was panting when Eugene's hands came up and started working on his buttons.

"I used to practice unbuttoning things with my teeth." Eugene said, and Ned knew this was another way Eugene was telling him he cares, and that was important. "I've never actually-"

"Please." Ned said, and Eugene's lips quirked up. He ducked his head to Ned's chest, and his buttons slipped open one by one and each rustle felt like kisses, like Eugene was covering him in kisses, from his lips to his cock.

When he reached the last button, Eugene did kiss him, just above his belt, and Ned shivered, hard. Then Eugene was pressing a smile to his stomach instead, and Christ, he looked so good right there.

"You're too hot." Ned said.

"What do you want?" Eugene asked, and Ned squirmed. He was hard in his jeans and while it wasn't hugely noticeable, it was fucking uncomfortable. He knew what he wanted- couldn't say it.

"I don't want to do this if-"

"Your mouth." Ned said. "Fuck, I'm sorry, that's gay-"

"Stop talking." Eugene said. Pressed a kiss to where he's pressed firm against his zipper and Ned opened his mouth. Asked "Did you practice with zippers?"

"Slut." Eugene whispered, and Ned looked at him stupidly, his heart pounding while Eugene smiled at him.

"You're blushing." Eugene said. "You're cute, Ned. No wonder you got laid every weekend in Yale. You get a lot of head then?"

Eugene put his fingers at his zipper and Ned swallowed.

"Not- not as much as you would think." He said, and Eugene popped his button last, so the tension stayed on his cock until the last second. "Head is- oral is definitely more of a relationship thing- people are picky about what they put- put in their mouth- _shit_ , Eugene."

Eugene pulled off of Ned's cock, cheeks hollowed like a pornstar, and even though he'd expected the pop it still went through him like a bolt.

"Keep going." Eugene said and oh jesus, Ned had no idea what he was doing. "I'll keep distracting you?"

"That's hot." Ned said, and Eugene dropped, like he was at the club, quick and hungry onto Ned's cock, and Ned groaned like he'd been punched.

"God, that's- that's so good, jesus, fuck, Eugene-"

"This is fun." Eugene said, or tried to say. All of Ned felt centered in the numb want for more the feeling inspired in him.  

"Because you're fucking good at it." Ned said, threading his fingers into gel thick curls. "Christ, Eugene you look so fucking good with my dick in your mouth-"

" _That's_ gay, Ned." He said, and Ned laughed a little wildly, his blood pounding hard in his ears. "Are you _sure_ -"

"Put my cock back in your mouth." Ned said, tugging on a curl, and Eugene looked pissed and gorgeous and hungry, and god that was exactly how he'd look before he ate Ned on a deserted island, and that should be scary but instead it was _hot,_ because everything about Eugene was hot and his mouth burned. Ned was sweating into his couch, inching his hips up in little needy jerks that kept taking Eugene by surprise, making him pause, reposition.

It had to have been more than thirty minutes, and Ned didn't really ever want to stop. Had to ride this moment forever- never go home.

Eugene's hands got busy slipping his pants further down, fiddling with the band of his boxers, and it isn't until he's sinking back over him that Ned realized it was to get at more of him, that Eugene wanted more of him, and shit, Ned really wanted to fucking give it to him.

"God, this is-" Ned said.

"No zippers." Eugene said coming up for air and Ned was the one gasping. "Bananas, yeah. Lollipops-"

"You're so gorgeous, dude." Ned told him, and Eugene pressed his giggles into Ned's thigh, while Ned carded his fingers through Eugene's hair. "Hey, and thanks for doing this. No- shut up- no, really. This is- it's- it's the nicest thing someone's ever done for me."

"I'm not- Ned, you aren't _charity_." Eugene said. "I've- I've thought about this before-"

"You've thought about-"

"Sucking you off." Eugene said, ignoring the sudden twitch of Ned's cock. "Don't look at me like that- you got married, you didn't stop being hot."

Eugene put his mouth back to work and Ned had to swallow, had to reorganize his thoughts. "I'm going to think about this sometimes- sometimes when I'm by myself- and I won't- I won't feel guilty- I'll feel fucking lucky-"

"Ned-"

"Keep going, please, fuck, I'm close- don't- yeah, please yes- Eugene- I'm gonna- I'm-"

Eugene held him down, pinning him to the couch with his shoulders, the weight of his body, and Ned let him swallow, wet around his cock, let it be fucking perfect-

It wouldn't happen again. Couldn't, and Ned felt lighter. Felt almost empty.

Eugene finally, finally looked drunk, and Christ that was funny and hot, and even sort of dumb, and Ned wanted to do it all over again- knew he couldn't.

"I'm drunk." He told Eugene, and he hated how lost he sounded.

"Me too." Eugene said. "It's a good excuse."

"I wanna do it again." Ned said, and he surprised them both with the strength of his intensity. Eugene looked at him, and suddenly, spent and cooling, the space between them was a thousand times bigger than the cup well.

"Tell me that in the morning, bud." Eugene said finally. He got up, and he was hard in his slacks, distorting his clean fashionable pants, and if he slept here Ned was going to have to go to work in the same clothes as yesterday. Nothing in Eugene's closet looked like his.

"I need to get an Uber." He told Eugene, and Eugene gave him a half smile.

"You might want to zip up first." He said, and Ned- Ned was going to be thinking about this for the rest of his fucking life. " I'll find your phone."

"Thank you." Ned says, pathetically obvious that he didn't just mean the phone.

"Kiss your baby for me." Eugene said, looking distant. "Try to remember everybody makes mistakes."

Ned's wife came home the next morning. Nothing new.

Everything was different, forever.

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/telefool)


End file.
